Smiles and Giggles

Holy cow parenting is just plan hard, yet so many different rewards. That cute little smile you get when you hand them a special treat, that hug that was unexpected, those adorable giggles you hear when you tickle their tummies. Yet I have felt I have been so consumed with just the necessities of life and then my health. I won’t go into many details, but the migraines are not being very helpful in my job as a mom.

So something had to change. I have to be a loving caring mom. When I include trying to teach 4 children academics, deal with behaviors several times during the teaching process, keep up with household chores, insurance calls, therapy visits, migraines, and much more I could not breath, let alone be a caring mom. I am NOT "Supermom" and I am really tired of people saying, “Wow I could not do that. I just think what you are doing for these kids is so amazing.” Ugh…if they only knew that my super cape flew out the carpool window years ago. I am tired and worn out. My emotional, physical and mental tank has been sucking on fumes.

Change has happened. We enrolled our 3^rd and 1^st graders into public school. *sigh* Hard decision, yet a peace about it. Yes all the paperwork that comes with that was an added stress, but it is done. Adjusting to the new schedule has been hard, but do-able.

It has been 2 weeks and I am just now starting to feel less stress. I have more time to teach and love on my older girls. I joined a fitness place and I am starting to work-out more. The kids are loving it and they seem to have gotten great teachers. In fact the older girls are LOVING it too. They get more time with me and the quiet. Yes the "I can think" quiet in the mornings are astounding!

Now I feel like I can enjoy and even notices those rewards of being a mom. You know; those cute smiles and giggles, the “thanks mom”, “love you mom”, the boo-boos that only I can heal. Yes, I am blessed. I took the advice of a great person, “You need to put your oxygen mask on before you can put one onto your kids.” Thanks!

Are you Ready to be Uncomfortable?

You see them on TV, on billboards, and on the internet.  Songs have been sung about them. We all get caught up in the emotional pleas. We get excited about the ideals of the cause. What am I talking about? The plight of the orphan.

Our hearts break hearing their stories and we want to spring to action to help them. Some are orphaned by physically losing their mother and father. Some lost their parents because the government had to take them away to protect them. Others lose their parents because of the parents not having the resources to take care of them. No matter what the cause of them being an orphan they ALL have experienced some type of LOSS.

Loss affects us all emotionally. It shapes us, makes us who we are today. Loss is hard; some not has hard as others. Like losing my phone is nothing in light of losing my dad. Yet they both changed me. Now I am more careful with my phone and well I am still dealing with the loss of my dad, but it has changed me.

You may be saying, “Yes I know all this.” I am bringing this up to just point out a few things to those you who are possibly considering adoption.

Adoption is a God thing. He has adopted those who ask for His forgiveness and follow Him. He tells us to take care of the widows and orphans...it is a command. Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption and restoration.

To have redemption and restoration that means there has to of been brokenness and pain. Pain that goes VERY deep; deep into crevices that usually take a long time to even find let alone start on the healing process. Some children block the events, the pain. If the child was non-verbal at the time of the event/pain than those hidden crevices are even harder to discover. (This is what we are experiencing right now with one of our children.)

No matter who you are in the family you will be affected. Many times it is not discussed, but the biological children will greatly suffer. At time too much! Do I believe it will make them a better person in the end? Yes, but at a cost. All involved will gain some scars from the hurt that was foolishly given to these children.

The reason for adoption is not pretty and also the process of adjusting and healing also is not very pretty. You know those commercials you watch that there is that child waiting for you? We cry and want to take that child home, cloth, bath, and feed him. Those kids do need us,  a forever family, but realize those commercials tug at our heartstrings, but the real world of adoption is not sweet and the child is not happy at first to be with you. It is hard, down in the trenches hard. And no it is not just for a year or two of adjustment either. It is a daily, year around, forever adjustment. Your life will never be the same and either will any bio children, grandparents, and others you are close to.

Yes this process isn’t pretty, but life isn’t either…it is MESSY! Are you ready to be on a rocky adventure? Are you ready to change your life and others around you (and I am not talking about rainbows and friendly unicorn kind of change)? Are you ready to be shunned by some people? Are you ready to be uncomfortable? Then welcome to adoption! Make sure you have good people support,  good running shoes, and your seat belt securely fastened!

Perspective and Showers

This morning I took a shower. Wow, right?! No, really, it was amazing and very note worthy. I took this shower without worrying about someone hitting a dog, yelling at a sibling, banging on the bathroom door (or wall), or any screaming about something that was "unfair".

Why was this shower so different than many others? Well, my husband and I had to make a very hard decision. That was to put our 7 year old and 8 year old in public school. They started Wednesday. On Thursday they started riding the bus.

I did not realize until this morning's shower how tense I have been. I am a go get'er kind of person. I jump in and get'er done. Yep....my body has paid for it. Migraines, female issues, and digestive problems.

A new path with bumps along the way lay before me, but I see hope. I have freedom to be more of a mom to my all my kids. A calmer mommy, a mommy with people to carry some of the burden I have been carrying.

Our 7 and 8 year old has behavior issues that are really hard to handle and they require attention ALL the time. I can't turn my back or something WILL happen.

Yep, I am breathing much better and enjoying finally getting to catch up on some work around the house. Heck, who knows I might even get to Blog more!

Foolish, Wise, and Gray

Being a mom is not easy. Sometimes the foolish decisions our kids make and us can really bring us down.

Our children have choices to make just as much as us. I do believe there are three kinds of choices, foolish, wise, and ones that would fall into a rare gray area. There are times we just need to push pause on a choice and other times we have to decide quickly.

This is a hard concept for most children from hard places. They have witnessed choices that were made mostly in haste. Learning to pause and regain control of emotions are like asking them to stop a train. They and sometimes moms (I'm not talking from experience...lol) let our emotion get the better of us. We hastily jump to a decision/choice without thinking thru it clearly. Teaching our children to do this is very difficult.

I have been trying to be more aware of the warning signs of an erupting emotion that will lead to a poor decision/choice, especially in my younger three who have a harder time of this. I try to stop them and remind them NOW is the time to stop and make a good decision...to think...to pause.

Boy how often do I need that as a mom and wife! I need to pause before those lovely hormones get the best of me. Will I be foolish, wise, or is it one of those rare times that I have a gray decision to make?

Life is Hard; so Toughen Up and Buckle Up!

I was very happy the day we adopted our three children. I knew that some of the challenges ahead for us was going to be difficult, but knew God wanted us to give these children a home. Looking back I remember thinking that now they were our children so soon they would adjust to us and come to the realization that we loved them and wanted what was best. Shoot we had 3 other children and knew how to raise children. These children from hard places were going to be a little harder, but how bad could it get. Now what I am about to share with you I want you to understand that I am dedicated to raising ALL my children. I am dedicated to loving them and would not change adopting them. As I said above, God made it clear for us to adopt these children and they are precious especially in His site.

I am writing this because I am so sick and tired of that “plastic smile”. You know…it is that smile that people expect you to wear because you are supposed to be super mom. I hate to break it to you but there is no such thing as a super mom and it is a lie from Satan that it is capable to achieve! Daily is a struggle for me… big time! Homeschooling on top of running a house with 8 people residing in the same living quarters is “interesting” to balance.

Adoption has totally changed our life. My birth children have suffered, my freedom has been lost, many of my dreams have been extinguished, most days are very stressful and I am usually totally exhausted. Yet people seem to think me as an amazing woman (I AM NOT). Adoption and just plain being a mom is tough! I am sharing this because too many people paint parenting and adoption like a fairy tale experience.

Yep my plastic smile is not on and I never want to put it on again. I want to be open and honest before my Lord so He can do His mighty work on me. I want to be called a woman after God’s own heart. I would love that on my headstone. God is defiantly working on me to mold me. I try hard with the kids to raise them right, yet I do fail. Some days I have great victories, other days not so much. My new motto is “Life is hard; so toughen up and buckle up!”

Each day I must learn how to handle different situations with each one of the adopted children. Like one being so prideful that this child tells us how this child is more important than all the other family members, does not want to be in our home, but wants to be with birth mom, waits until my back is turned and blatantly disobeys my rules, has to be watched around the opposite sex, and lies like nothing to it. Another one is a big bully. Many things offends this child which in turn this child will get physical with whom offended. This child also hurts our dogs and other siblings. Then the other child is special needs and takes up most of our time emotionally and physically. Running to special needs school, speech, physical, and occupational therapies is a daily occurrence.

Yes God is working on me big time. Really think it all through and search God’s will before adopting and before having children. Are you willing to get tough and yet be broken in the process?

Psalms 119:143-146

Lessons from a bubble bath

Been missing my father this Memorial Day weekend. Feeling a little low and short with my family. So I took a bubble bath. With the blissful aroma of candles and very warm jet of water massaging me into a peaceful coma, I relaxed. Reluctantly I turned off the jets only to hear my youngest screaming for me and to hear my lovely husband handling it. So on went the jets again to drown out the upset child. At first I told myself, "bad mommy", but then I thought of something. So many times life engulfs us with loud, confusing, chaotic events. Most of these events are not in our control. During those times we need to turn our prayers on more and rest in a blissful aroma of peace.

Expect Nothing!!

This past week our pastor talked about global missions. I was stunned by how we can relate it to adoption. Especially one of the bullet points, expect nothing. So many times we go into parenthood via birth or adoption with expectations. Yes we may not think we do, but we do. 

One of the major expectations I have had as a parent is that I will love my child and they will love me. Most of the time that is true. However, I have experienced that to not always being the case. Not all the time do they love you or even want you in their life. Then in return it makes it a little difficult to love them back when you keep getting rejected! You can then start thinking of the future in a negative way. I did. 

Then comes Grace, wonderful Grace. God lavishes us with it! Yet it is so hard to lavish ourselves with it. Because I was thinking in a negative way I was not showing myself grace let alone my child. We must open our eyes to the joy God has for us, what is amazing is He always has it for us.

Remember that I said our pastor's bullet point was expect nothing. Well he then scratched it out and wrote over it, Expect EVERYTHING! Yes, with God's grace we can expect everything. Everything for His glory. God is always faithful, but He does not promise no pain. Yet through the pain we grow and see Him more closely.