New Path for Our Family...

WOW! It has been awhile since I have written anything. One word: life. MMM that is a little boring. Let me try again….

The morning dawns into a beautiful day. An hour I get to snuggle into my warm comfy chair and study God’s Word and I am washed with sweet peace. I hear the gentle voices of my two boys waking up from a wonderful night’s rest. I go into to my adorable boys’ room and I am greeted with cuddles and the wonderful aroma of clean boys. The older girls get up and greet me with warm hugs and sweet kisses. They go into the kitchen giggling and work together to make breakfast for all of us.

Who am I kidding! Life is….wrestling with the convictions my Bible study does to me, loud noises fill the early morning from pee smelling boys, girls refusing to wake up and yell at each other.  Yes that is life…no fluff here.

The last few months have been hard. Joy. Grace. Mercy. Those three words have been constantly on my mind.

I have really struggled with being a confident, inspiring teacher and loving, attentive mother to all my children. I am exhausted. The challenge of training up teenager girls is in itself is HARD. On top of it being a loving, calm mother to children that not only wear you out physically, but mentally trying to understand why they behave the way they do.

One area in our life that has been very challenging has home-schooling Beth. I could go into how it is challenging and give details of what we have tried. However, I am not going to. What I want to just share with all of you is that we have made a VERY hard decision to send Beth to public school…at least for this semester.

Am I seeking advice…um NO! Joe and I have prayed and have taken lots of time to decide this. We are excited to see where this leads us. Beth is very excited and so am I!

God has showed me how to have joy in all circumstances. This does not mean that I choose every time to have joy. He also has showed me to give myself grace. It is so easy when children are fighting and behaviors seem more than I can bear to put lots of blame on myself. You know I must be doing something wrong if my children are not acting like “so and so’s” kids that seem so sweet. (Key word is “seem”) Please tell me I am not the only one with kids that aren’t perfect? We all have sin…right? Now if I can just grasp always finding the joy in what God has in store for me. This ride may be hard, but in many ways it is surprisingly FUN!

Through all this “life” I have been amazed how Jesus has been showing me the true meanings of joy, grace and mercy. My eyes have really been opening up to seeing the joys in my life, how I can show grace and how people show me grace, and oh the mercy I need!! Lord thank you for showing me and loving me!

View of Adoption from 6 and 4 year olds

So yesterday was Wesley's 2nd year Gotcha Day. Hard to believe it has been two years. All three children are growing up quickly and we are all molding together as a family better each day. I decided to ask David and Beth some questions today to see what their point of view on being a Myers. Wesley still is not talking much so I could not ask him. Enjoy!

I asked Beth these questions:
Me: "What do you like about being adopted?"
Beth: "I like that we get to be a family together. I like sharing a room with my sister and sometimes getting to sleep with her. I like having a house and our new play house outside."
Me: "What do you not like about being adopted?"
Beth: "I like being adopted, it's fun."
Me: "What is fun about it?"
Beth: "I get to play with my brothers and live in our house."
Me: "What makes you happy?"
Beth: "Sharing a room with Hannah."
Me: "What makes you sad?"
Beth: "When I have to go in time out or go to sleep early, because I disobeyed or when I don't get to play with our new playhouse."


I asked David these questions: (keeping a straight face was hard!)
Me: "What do you like about being in this family?"
David: "It is awesome and I like this family. It is so good and God said it is good and He loves us and died for our sins. This world is for God."
Me: "What makes you happy?"
David: "A toy, my brother, sisters, bed, a horse, Winn-a-Pooh, lion, Puffle, Mommy and Daddy."
Me: "What makes you sad?"
David: "When my brother takes my toy and hits me. When daddy is gone to work. When I have a bad dream. When you and Sarah were gone, it made me so sad." That last part was said in a very sad tone.

Bring It On!

What a month! Crazy how time flies and we are now back at school and back into a routine. Ok well kind of into a routine. I have learned so much from my Father this month and have been stretched more than I have wanted at times.

One area of stretching has been in homeschooling. Sarah and I went on an awesome mission trip the first week and ½ in August. We returned and two days later we started back into school. To say the least I have not enjoyed it. It is really challenging to keep little ones quiet while teaching older children Algebra then suddenly switch gears to teach colors or addition. Did I say I am being stretched?

I have had to go to the basics. Why do I teach my children? Why am I not enjoying schooling my children? First my children need a Biblical view of this world. God created the world and everything in it so who better to learn from! Having a Biblical worldview will give them tools to grow. If they embrace the truths joy will be in their future. They will have struggles in this life so if I can teach them how to have peace and joy in them what better gift can a mom give her children?

This brings me to why I am not enjoying homeschooling. I have not given my struggles up to God and sought His wisdom. Wait, did I just admit that out loud? Struggles are inevitable. To make it even more complex is that homeschooling is not an easy road to take, just like being a parent! Some days you wonder if you can look at your children for another second without wanting to cry, scream, and run away. Struggles come. Some struggles are every second of a day and NOTHING gets done like you want. I have had days that every time I turn around someone is in timeout and another I am talking to about behavior…kind of like those revolving doors…I want to get out of those doors!!!!

God is NOT surprised by what is going on. In fact reminding myself, I live in an imperfect world with imperfect children who have an imperfect mom keeps me in the right mind. I want more than this world has to offer! I want to not lose control. I want a peace that surpasses all understanding. When I approach my struggles seeking to see what God is trying to teach me or my children I have that peace.  God loves me and knows what I and my children need to become people of righteousness. We are only here for a short time and in eternity we will have NO struggles. If we must go through struggles to learn how to become people who God will say “Well done, good and faithful servant!” then bring them on! That end result is worth it all. 

My weight loss journey

My before picture taken October 2010

What a journey I have been on for the past year and half. God has done a mighty work in my life teaching me about capturing my thoughts and self-control. Looking back I never realized how much I had incorrect thought processes and also how much I struggled with self-control.

In February of 2011 I had gotten to a point of decision. I was physically having issues with my knees, hip, back, and feet. I was exhausted every day to the point of not wanting to get out of bed, because I was tired and my body hurt. I had gained 10 pounds just with stress of doubling our family overnight. I had my hormones tested and my stress hormone and all other ones along with it were off the chart too high. I knew I had to do something.

With much prayers God guided me to join Weight Watchers. I was nervous and apprehensive when I signed up with my best friend. I didn’t know if I could be successful at losing weight. I know I had lost weight with WW before, but I never kept it off. God used WW and my commitment to study His Word to change my way of thinking. I plunged into my thoughts and was a little shocked at some of the things I was replacing my heavenly Father with…chocolate and other sweets. NOTHING, yes nothing can compare to my Heavenly Father, my Abba, my King. It was an eye opener, yet still difficult to wrap my mind around new way of thinking of how I felt when I ate. Many emotions can trigger bad habits. God came along side of me and taught me many things about Him and my behaviors. At times a feeling of being overwhelmed comes with all the things I need to change, but God is faithful to stand alongside of me and give me strength when I need it and a peace going through it.

My after picture taken today.
Love my bare feet? LOL

Today, more than 70 pounds lighter, I have had no more problems with my knees, hip, or feet. My back has greatly improved too. I have more of a control with my hormones and my energy level is off the roof. I can keep up with my kids and sometimes I just have to jump up and down because I feel so good. I still am not a morning person, but once my feet hit the floor I am looking forward to sitting on my chair or going outside with my dog to study my Father’s words to me. I love those times in the morning now and treasure them!

 I thank God every day and do not want to go back to how I felt and how I replaced my God with food. Yes I had an idol and it was food. My God loved me through it all and came along side of me to encourage me and at times to whip me into shape! He also gave me a wonderful husband to love me unconditionally and to encourage me through this journey and more journeys to come.

This journey has now taking me down another path. I am blessed to be selected for a part-time job with Weight Watchers! I am trying to retain lots of training right now! I love learning how to come alongside other people to encourage them to change their thoughts for a healthy person. I can’t shut up about it and I am looking forward to what lies ahead. I really like many of the WW sayings. One is “Choice not Chance determines your Destiny.” God gives us choices and teaches us what wise choices are. Question is do you make the wise choices or the foolish choices?

Doing Chores

Teaching children how to do chores is SO important. One of the great things is that it builds confidence. To see their little faces when they have done a great job is amazing. Yes there are those time that the job is done with a half the effort and it shows. Those are the times that teaching and maybe an attitude adjustment need to happen. Teaching our children to think of others, take care of self, and have joy in doing work are all God honoring.
The past couple weeks David has taken to folding clothes like a champ. He loves being a helper and honestly it helps tremendously for me to know that things are done. You have to give up the nice and neat rows of folded clothes in the drawer, but it gets done and is out of the hamper and in the drawer! He is only 4, but can do so many things. David has learned to do recycling, vacuum the laminate, dust the baseboards, put away the silverware, and now fold and put away his clothes. He even helps me fold and put away Wesley's! He has joy in working!

Interruptions or Interventions

Isn’t it amazing how you can get so focused on you day to day struggles you forget about the big picture view? God wants us to give our all to the day to day grind, but not to forget why we are doing it. I am guilty. Staying the Word of God is the only way I can remember and meditate on that big picture view.

The things that I struggle with the most are when the children disobey. Here is the thing…I take it personally and get offended that they acted the way they did. You know what I am talking about, those times you have said a million times to not throw toys at people, run in the house, no spitting, wash your hands after going the bathroom, finish the dishes, and even get up you sleepy head it is NOON! (We won’t go there to whom that may be.) Being offended is not the right behavior for me.

My job is to train up and raise warriors for Christ. God never did tell me how long that was going to take or promise me that was going to be easy or that they will choose to listen and follow in obedience! What He does share with me is that He is compassionate, merciful, truthful, loving, just, will never leave me, and that I need to strive to be more like Him every day. Look up Exodus 34:6, Psalms 86:15, Galatians 2: 20, and Hebrews 13:5. So if I was more like Him would I be offended or would I even get angry at Him because I have it rough.

Okay so let me transparent. Never thought this was my issue, but God says it is so I better listen and change my course of action. When we had kids I knew that it would be a life changing event, but my view and God’s view of that life changing event(s) was very different. I also knew there would be struggles. But God knew these struggles would not stop once you think the child “got it”. Few weeks (ok maybe an hour) later they do the same dog gone thing and you again have to spend all the time re-talking, re-disciple, and re-heart ache. Then my angry would once again rear its ugly head, because you’ve been there, that millionth time you have said no don’t touch the fire. I had to take time out of “my” planned day and discipline a child. Stupid, I know, but I would say I was justified in getting angry at them.

What God has revealed to me is that I am getting angry at Him for “my” life not being what I had planned. Those divine interruptions need to be divine interventions. You probably have heard that as parents you have lots of teachable moments…those teachable moments are actually more teachable moments for me! Being a parent is hard work, but it is even harder when I fight with God over how these parenting years should look like. I am tired of having my little adult temper tantrums and want to align myself up with my Father. Sure makes me appreciate Him more!

Joe and I are facing many giants in front us with raising 6 godly children in this fallen world. We don’t know what lies ahead, but together we hold loosely to our expectations and always are on the lookout for opportunities to join God where He is working! We know that every day there are six opportunities! What about you?

Negative Reactions

Have you ever wondered why we react the way we do when something happens? Maybe I am weird, but I do a lot. I try to figure it out especially when my reaction is not pleasing to my Savior. Unfortunately I find that many of my reaction/behaviors are ingrained in me to the point that they are terrible habits that I must break. I also have found that I can rationalize the convictions away.

Being a parent you soon learn that your reactions to your children are mimicked and they take your behaviors and pretty quickly they turn into habits. I have struggled with anger most of my life. It is a terrible sin and habit…I am talking about even those irritating sighs I give off to my yelling. I stuffed things for years and then almost as a release the emotion of all that stuffing would pop out in anger and sometimes frustrated tears too. Stress is a major trigger for me. When I start feeling overwhelmed and that nothing is going right, my frustration boils over. I see this in my birth children and I am guessing if I do not get a handle on this soon my adopted children will too. Now that I am aware of it I am helping my children see what I did not see for years. Training and growing is always going on around here! With my adopted children I see other behaviors that come from how they were raised previously.

I am trying hard to not stuff anymore and to deal with issues right away. Also when I get those overwhelming moments I have to stop and ask God what He wants me to learn at that moment. Honestly I fail more than I would like to admit, but God also gives me many victories! In turn I am trying to teach what I am learning to my children so that they can learn these hard lessons before they get these habits so ingrained in them that they will accept them as normal.

The harder thing for me lately is to help the adopted children. Yes I know that what they learned was from abuse and sin (sin is what my birth children learn from too, unfortunately). To help them defeat the specific behaviors is hard especially when I don’t know where it stems from.

The other day we were at a party and someone from the kids past came to the party also…all good memories with this someone. However, on the way home we had an episode that we have not had in a very long time. At first I was taken aback from the behavior, but then God revealed to me that she must have had a trigger to a bad memory or memories. Even though there were very good memories with the couple at the party it still brought back memories of the past abuse. I am guessing it brought back the old memories because that was why she had been placed with them. Not knowing how to deal with these old feelings again she reacted in a “fight” mode. Crying, yelling and arguments to both Joe and I lasted the entire drive home. All of it started with us telling her to not lean down in her car seat so she would be safe with the seat belt on correctly.

It took several minutes at home to calm her down and to point to the truth. Finally after she calmed down and we were able to talk, she was able to tell me what troubled her. She said that her “mom” and “dad” did not treat her right when she was little. That is all she said, but she was able to voice what was wrong which was wonderful! Amazing how seeing people that loved you will bring hurtful memories back. More amazing is how those memories can cause us to react. Learning how to voice our feelings and get a handle on how we are feeling is a great step to healing and recognizing the love and mercy God has for us to receive! God saved us from the most horrible thing I can think of, eternal separation from his presence, yet we accuse Him and treat Him like He did something wrong. Yet our God listens to us and waits with open arms. Honestly that night was hard with my little girl, but God is always faithful and I know that one day my little girl will grow from all this and bring Glory to God!  I also hold to the truth that God will give me victory over my reactions too! My God is amazing!!!!!!!!!!

“Let the little children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” Mark 10:14b

My Name is MOM!

A few days ago Wesley kept saying “mom” over and over again just for fun. At the time it was not fun for me. I was trying hard to get things done and he was just following me saying my name again and again. I considered changing my name. He didn’t want anything, just wanted to say my name. I started to raise my voice and yell, “QUIET!!”, but then in my mind flashed many friends’ faces that have fought to become pregnant. Many never have had a biological baby and many have lost their baby before getting to hold them.

All of a sudden my child that God gave to me, not from my womb, but from my wanting to obey my God looked totally adorable. I was washed with complete awe of God’s love for me to bless ME with children both biological and adopted. Why did he choose imperfect me? I am so unworthy. I can tell you I have grown more and quicker than ever in my spiritual walk since our adoption, but I am still oh so selfish. God has made it clear....my name is MOM!

Then you have those days that you really just plain hard. Those days that your 6 year old waits until you turn your eyes away to do what you just told her “no!” You love her, but you must be firm in her discipline. Balancing love and firmness some days is a challenge; especially when it happens over and over again. One thing that many do not understand is that discipline for a child from hard places verses a biological child takes much more work and a lot of mental effort. They need to know they cannot control you, must ask not tell. So much of our days are dealing with those little signs of manipulation. Granted they are getting in less frequency, but they must be dealt with immediately or those little signs become big signs. Those are the days that I would like to change my name. Those are the days I cry from physical and mental exhaustion. Those are the days that I cry out to God and He comforts me and sometimes sends me a friend going through the same thing.

Today was one of those days. This week has been interesting to say it nicely with Beth. This morning I got an e-mail from a dear friend who has adopted also. I discovered our week has been almost the same and yes I wish she didn’t have to go through it, but man does it encourage me to know I am not alone. Together we can sharpen one another. Together we can encourage one another when others just don’t get why we have to face every battle full on. Together we can remind each other of the blessing to be called MOM!

Thank you God for friends and being called MOM!

By the Grace of God go I

 I would like to share my thoughts with you today. 

It is amazing any more how time just flies by. It always reminds me of the song SOON by Hillsong that goes, “Soon and very soon. I will be with the One I love.” This gives me a sense of urgency. I want to always be alert to the fact that my time here on earth is short. Am I using my time wisely? What are my concerns in this life that I am focusing on? How much of an impact am I making in those around me? Can you even measure those things?

Yesterday Joe and I were talking about the changes all six of our children have gone through lately. Not just physical changes, but emotional and spiritual too. All those questions above were not in my mind at the time. Our three birth children are maturing before our eyes. We can see ever so slightly the transition from our faith to their faith. In other words they are owning their faith more and more. I see compassion for others coming from them and desire to see people come to a realization of their sins. What is really exciting is I am seeing a deeper bond with us as a family that is starting to unify us for the glory of God.

The bond as a whole family has impacted all of us. Beth is finally bonding with me! It has taken a lot of hard work to start seeing some fruit. I had to choose to love when it was really hard to love. Through those times she kept pushing me and pushing me away. Every time I got close reaching her emotionally she would push me away with a behavior to be honest was Ugly. We still has a way to go, but we are getting there one step at a time.

So back to how I started this post. Can we measure? I think changes are a good way of measuring…small and big. I could throw away all these changes and fuzzy feeling in the dump if God is not the author of these changes. God gets all the glory for any of these. We are in a battle even during these seemingly peaceful times. Satan is lurking, wanting to get our focus off of God because he knows that song is true above. What impact can we make here on earth before we are gone?  I look forward to falling at the feet of my savior, but I want to be able to look Him in the eye too!

Let us spread the good news of the gospel to everyone we meet. Be bold! Love mercy and seek justice! I want to start here to train up my little soldiers to be mighty warriors for God. I need to make sure my training manual is being used and my kids know why they are here for a short time on this earth. By the grace of God go I …how about you?

My thoughts...

I have never been a play-it-safe or timid kind of person. I jump right into something and get-r-done. However, yesterday morning during my Bible time I realized something. I always thought I was that way with my faith, however.... In an earthly sense I am, but comparing it to God's spiritual sense I am or have not been. WQhen God has laid it upon my heart to take a step in faith I do, but a step then I had two or three. I PLAN ahead. Yes I am a planner. I have a course of action all the time. Problem is God did not give me that second or third step when He told me to take that step. That was my own desire not His. 

I want to have that Resurrection faith, the faith that says, "Lord I am taking that step you have asked me to." ...then I WAIT! Wait for Him to guide me in the next step. I have done this on occasions and have been blessed, but many times I get too antsy and jump the gun. That is when the frustration in my circumstance starts. Starting today, right now Lord, I submit fully to listening and waiting for your voice. To follow in your footsteps. To turn to you before I step.

How does this effect my life? There are many areas as a parent and wife. Right now it has affected my home-school all year long. Why did it take me so long to learn?! Re-focusing is happening today. Starting today I wait...with anticipation!!

Lessons From a Little Tooth

I am so blessed to have a man to remind me to not take things personal. Today we had a great day doing school. All four of the younger crew really worked hard at doing school and letting others learn while I taught.  Then the day got really interesting. I was doing the last subject with Beth when I saw something odd with her mouth. I looked in her mouth and discovered a tooth missing and it had been gone for a while because the gum was healed. I asked her about it and she got silent. When she finally spoke she could not remember when it fell out, but she knew it was in the trash in her room. I hid my shock and how annoyed I was as much as I could. Yes, she had been told that her teeth would come out some day so why would she not tell me?

I went and called my man for advice. He graciously reminded me of the 4 year past before we were blessed with her. She was in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what I would do. Fear that her tooth would never come back. FEAR! It is still an automatic response for her. Trust is coming, but it is slow coming. The exciting thing in all of this is what followed! Beth and I had an amazing talk! She realizes now that she does not have to be alone or be in fear. Trust will come. I know I will have to remind her many more times, but this is one more step forward! Beth’s response to our talk was excitement and pure joy. We celebrated and as I type this she is trying really hard to fall asleep so the tooth fairy will come…yes she knows it is mommy!

This brings me to what I reinforced in my mind today. What should be our response to this verse? "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 ESV

We should have the same response that Beth had, excitement and joy. Worshipful joy! Along with that we should celebrate! We do not need to fear because God...wait a minute I am talking about GOD, the Mighty One, the King of kings will NOT leave you or even me! Our Father is the perfect example for us as parents. All this over a little lost tooth!

Birth Children's Struggle in Adoption

You are about to read the heart of our birth children. It may offend some of you, but they are just expressing their feelings. They are not perfect and God is working in our girls more than ever. This adoption has transformed our lives even more than they can see at their young age. God is revealing things in their lives daily and my (all) children are seeing God work on a daily bases.  Please show grace as you read these, but also I hope these open your eyes to the struggling side of adoption. You may ask would we do it again after reading this. By the grace of our Heavenly Father...YES! In fact the girls are already asking when we will do it again.

From Hannah age 11…

When we got the kids they were trouble makers. Beth was sweet and loved me so much.  But when she moved in she ignored, copycatted, annoyed, and lied to me and more of that kid stuff. David was cute but now he is starting doing all what Beth does. Wesley he’s cute but he cries so much. All year it was wild but after Winter Jam I changed and I can see that I am nicer to the kids. If God was not in me I would be mean to them and I wouldn’t ask God to help me with any troubles with the kids. This year I’m very ahead in school even with the little kids around. I always wanted to be a big sister. Now I have loving siblings and my dream came true. 

Rachel (age 14)

A year ago, in a court room... three kids were being adopted…by my parents. Never once would my family go back down to five, a forever family. August of 2010 is when we had the three little ones placed in our homes. Before we had them in our home we knew the little girl and boy because we knew the little girl's foster parents from church.

In the spring of 2010 my parents had a family meeting with me and my two other sisters. They told us they were going to try to adopt the little girl. I and my sisters were so happy. Finally we would have another little sister! So first my parents had to take classes. Then we found out the little girl, 'Beth' had two brothers in another foster home, so now we would get them. Yip-pi we get brothers! Then we had to sell our cars and get bigger ones, buy clothes, and then the Lord provided us a fourth bedroom. We also had to sacrifice getting rid of some animals, stuff, space, quietness, and quality time with our parents, just for them. Before we had the kids placed in our homes, Beth was a sweet little girl. After they were placed her true inside showed, she would manipulate you, lie, and copy. Yes she hurt me and my sisters a lot but we got through it. Looking back I see that she has improved quite a lot. Another struggle was David, he would bite, scream, kick, and be rude. But still we showered him with love, and he has improved also. Another struggle is when we talk to people or visit or have friends over. They just seem to cuddle and give so much attention to the little kids and we are left in the corner. Only thing people really talked about with us older ones was all about the adoption and about how cute they were. I'm sick of talking about the adoption. 

   Good things have come to the adoption though, 1st is that these siblings have a family and home, 2nd my little siblings are great helpers, 3rd is bigger family means more love.        

Sarah (age 15)

Nobody can truly understand the concept of unconditional love. Yet it is confusing at times. My family has learned and grown more in this love. An adoption can bring hardship, joy, closeness, and unity. The one thing that it makes you struggle with is how to love someone, who is unsure to love you back. When my family adopted, I thought everything was going to be right and dandy. It wasn’t. Being a teenager and then suddenly you have to share love with five siblings is hard. I wanted alone time, because I didn’t want to mess up when I interacted with them. Through all of this I have learned that you need to search yourself to find any faults and fix them with God’s help. It makes getting along a lot easier. Then through God find your explanation of unconditional love and demonstrate it to the kids. I have been blessed by seeing the hand of God in my life and my parents’ life.

How am I going to RESPOND???

Life is a struggle. God is continually seeking me in areas that I sin and showing me His grace and mercy. Why do I allow these struggles to bring me down? Why do I allow my little world to push me into sin and abandon my Father? Why do I not run to Him in times of struggle, but run to anger, sadness, and/or down right just want to give up?

Can you tell I have been in a struggle lately? God wants me to rely upon Him, but my first reaction is one or the entire list above. God is gracious and keeps seeking me when I don’t seek Him. My struggles are just plain overwhelming at time…or should I say I allow them to overwhelm me.

Sarah is going to community college in the fall for her senior year of High School. Trying to get her done with this year of school is a….challenge. A lot is on her plate. Rachel loves many subjects, but Algebra is not one of them. I feel like a dictator trying to enforce math time. On top of teaching I have two very active boys that will not allow school/teaching to occur at times. I maybe get in one good day of school a week. Hannah is right on schedule with her subjects except for one and Beth is behind like her older sisters.

 I feel a little like drowning…I do not like the feeling. So what do I do? I get overwhelmed. I stand here and look around and don’t know where to even start…did I mention that my house is a mess and I have other pressing matters to attend to also? Then I read where my Father, Creator, King is seeking me even through all this. I have to stop and think “what is it I truly am wanting”…I want more of Him! People may judge me for a messy house or kids that don’t know Algebra, but dog gone it I WANT to know my Heavenly Father that I will spend eternity with! I long for His arms and to learn more of His greatness. I want my children to know and desire Him also. Where are my priorities here on earthly things or heavenly things? I don’t have all the answers to my schooling or children’s behavioral issues, but what I do know is this earth and the desires of this earth is fleeting and totally temporal. My struggles are temporal! I want to make the best of my time here on earth for His kingdom. I am a missionary to my kids, husband and the friends God places me with. How am I going to respond?

A FEW THOUGHTS

A few things have been on my mind lately and I just wanted to share.

First I wonder if we as a society (worldly and Christian) realize how we have put such an importance on motherly instincts to the point that we have distanced precious women that have not giving physical birth.  Shame on us! Let me right now apologize for those times I have done this. I want to put a stop to this myth that only if you have giving birth do you have these instincts! They (instincts) are truly a gift from God not just because I have carried a child for 9 months or so! I can testify to it! We all are going to scratch our head to why a baby is crying or why our older child is lying, but there are those times that I do KNOW why! When it happens I believe it is not this magical instinct, but a true gift from God. It happens with my birth children and my adopted children. In fact I have experienced it even more profound with my adopted children which on some days just blow me away! So if a mom (birth or adopted) ask you not to hold or feed her baby, to allow her to only comfort her little one, or not to let her child lead the line in Sunday School realize that God has given her the responsibility to raise that child and “instinct” to know how to do it right! Don’t lean over and say after I just corrected my son for a sin and tell him it is ok we all make mistakes! I am the mom not you! You may scratch your head as to why, but it really isn’t your right to even ask why. Just give God the glory that our God has gifted this mom and not YOU for this particular child!!!

Second how would you define yourself? As a mom (I just defined myself) I wonder how my kids would answer. I know they would answer differently during the changes in their life, but my point is there are many things I do not want them to define themselves and one that I want them to always to do. I am a follower of the Most High God! Yes I am a mom, wife, sister, and daughter, but I want to be known as a person who is like my Savior. I also desire with all my heart that my children do too!

 I think about how the world wants to define my kids. I get looks for many labels/defining that people put on us like homeschool and big family. Homeschooling can have a VERY negative response in some circles and positive in some others. With my three oldest I have almost always heard great things about them. One day I heard a very negative thing about my oldest. Mother bear wanted to come out because it was not said in love to me, but God did a work in my and her heart that day. We set out to make sure that if this accusation/defining had some truth in it. I wanted come alongside her and help her grow in that area. It ended up being untruth.  

You know it got me thinking about the world’s perspective on adopted children. There biggest reaction is underlining in how the person talks and treats my adopted child. If they have been around and know that we adopted them from foster care they assume they were abused. They treat them like a VICTIM (Oh, you poor child syndrome)! NO! they are not! Let me use the example of our Father in Heaven who rescued us by adoption…we are no longer in bondage with Satan! Romans 6:11, “So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.” Romans 6:14, “For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law, but under grace.” Neither are these kids in bondage to being victims. As Christians we want to (Lord please forgive us!) go back to our old master and so do these kids want to relish in the old feelings of what they think is control and also self-pity. My job as mom is to teach them how to change old behaviors, heal from the past, to count blessing, and look to see where God is working in their life. Some of those ways seem weird to others. My children will not be victims, but victors over the past. We look forward and count our blessings. I do not want my children to be defined as a lost sinner or as a victim. I want them to be a Child of the King and victorious in this life.

Third I have gotten a lot of questions and comments about my weight loss. Many of the questions are how I lost about 57 pounds. Just so you know if you find them I do not want them back! It is easy for me to answer Weight Watchers, but that is only the tool God has used for His glory. Today I went to go to my weigh in. I only have a few more pounds to get to the top of the range for my weight goal. I was praying and again giving back to God what He has done when it hit me all the things I have gone through in this past year with the weight loss. I started to just cry out to Him and give Him the glory. This process started when I realized I struggled with self-control in my eating. I want to be woman that can control myself and be that example for my kids! God has done some amazing work by teaching my how to control and change habits and have endurance. This endurance comes from reliance on Him when the desire for weight loss at times does not come. The physical changes are wonderful: much smaller clothes, more energy, some medical issues gone, and just feeling better. However, I treasure the closer relationship with my Heavenly Father much more. Yes the physical changes are great, but they are just a bonus to the spiritual changes that have been going on.  Thank you, my God, for an amazing husband to love me no matter what I look like and most importantly for your unfailing love and strength through all this past year’s journey.

Top Ten ways to Survive a Large Family

I thought this would be fun!

Christy’s top ten ways on how to survive a large family:

1. Pray for your kids all the time
2. Invest in toilet paper
3. Plan for extra time to get somewhere
4. Buy food in bulk
5. Clearance sales are the bomb!
6. Pack snacks for shopping trips
7. Family fun nights with pizza is way fun
8. Spend time alone at least once a week
9. Bubble baths (without knocking on the door) releases stress
10. Date nights can rejuvenate and helps in completing sentences!

Another BIG step forward!

Another big step forward! When we were blessed with David he had not gained even a pound for 9 months. He would eat two small meals in a day after they had put him on Ritalin at age of two. Ritalin has stunned his growth. We immediately took him off the drug and began to encourage him with food when he came home. Slow but sure he has gained weight, but still never seems real hungry like a busy boy should be.

However, lately he has been showing a desire to eat more!!! Tonight was amazing. He ate his chicken sandwich, downed some chips, ate two cup cakes and sat down with me to watch Veggie Tales and ate almost an entire bag of popcorn.

I will look back on this and laugh when he is a teenager and eating us out of house and home. Oh the simple JOY of parenting!

Trying to Understand my Beth...

The last few days I have been trying to understand Beth even more. Behaviors sometimes leave me scratching my head and at times crying.

Like why she blatantly disobeys. It is those little things that add up. For example I will say, “Eat your meat before you eat more potatoes please.” She makes sure I see her eat one bite. As soon as my head is turned she will eat the potatoes. Yes I know it is a little thing, but it happens over and over. Or those everyday things like not unbuckling until the car stops, not leaving the sink water running while you dry your hands, or jump on the couch. It always is when I go out the room or avert my attention somewhere else that disobedience happens. This is everyday over and over. Time after time the important thing called trust is lost.

Then we have the problem with her feeling like she must be in charge of everything and everyone. Every opportunity she can get she will answer a question that someone asked of me (or someone else), has to lead when walking, tells others what to do (like how to sit or hold a pencil), and just plain lie about something. Subtlety is this beautiful girl’s specialty. It is hard at times to realize that even a request for a hug is trying to control a person. Telling you to come here and look at her project is controlling you.

So why do I write all this? To help people who may be going through this with their child to know that they are not alone. It is an amazing feeling when you realize you are not alone! If you see one or two of these behaviors you would say this is just normal childhood issues. No, there are some underlining issues from her past that spearhead this. Yes sin is still at the center…her heart is not right before our righteous God. The awesome news is our God is merciful and so should we be! Healing in her heart and mind is still happening and mercy and grace must abound. This does not mean that discipline will not happen. My job is to understand her so I can guide her to the truth of her actions…I still need prayer on this!

I want to trust her so much. I want to trust her to play alone with her brother or even in her room. I want to trust her to take a shower alone. I want to trust her to obey when someone baby-sits her. I want to trust her to tell me the truth. Little by little she is starting to let go of the control and letting God rule. Some days I feel like it is slower than a snail. But I must remember that with God all this through Him are possible.

What I do know is that some day trust will come maybe tiny at times, but it will come. I know that I will not be able to trust her with things at a certain age like I trusted the older girls at that age. I know that God is faithful and will give me wisdom. Yes I get discouraged and feel so disappointed when disobedience happens and trust is lost again. What I know all too well is I also disappoint my Father and must trust Him in all things. So the main thing I am taking this week as I try to understand Beth more is that I must put my trust fully on God. I must live by example!

Am I being effective?

It is amazing how years can go by not knowing that you have believed a lie. How can I not of seen it? Once the truth shines its ever so bright light on a lie it is so wonderful and freeing. God has done that for me in the past week and half.

I have since childhood believed a lie that I am ineffective. What I felt I was ineffective in doing would change. When I was younger I believed that I wasn’t a good enough child to my parents, good enough student, good enough Christian. Later years to the present  I kept believing at certain times that I could not be a good enough mom, wife, friend, and teacher. I was always trying to be perfect to show I was effective. Problem…I was “trying” in my power while still believing a lie. I wanted to be Christ like in all those areas, while believing that I am ineffective or to put it in another term…I will never measure up. When I “got it wrong” I got frustrated, down, and overwhelmed. Take is from me when you are in those times of believing a lie you won’t be as effective as God could use you! Also instead of getting down in the dumps, frustrated, and overwhelmed during those times that I am not perfect I need to stop and see what I need to learn from it. Face those times with joy that God is trying to teach me something because He love ME!

It was during a weak moment that I was crying unto God for help and feeling like my prayers were just “ineffective” that He was talking to me. He sent a couple of dear friends and my husband to point out that He was trying to show me something, to grow me. One dearest friend led me to 2 Peter 1: 3-8. Verse 8 is what she had me focus on. WOW! She pointed out that I do demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit and that shows I am not “ineffective” and I am growing in the knowledge of my dear Savior and King! Then my husband really helped me to open my eyes to when, where, and how I was blinded to the truth. Now I am at the place I am asking God to open my eyes to when and where I am trying to do things in my strength and NOT my Father’s all powerful strength!

God is so good. I feel free and have unspeakable joy! God is my teacher and yes I am not perfect and will fall down, but I will get up and run again for that prize, but in God’s strength!

If you read this Blog because of your interest in our adoption you may ask, “What has all this have to do with adoption?” EVERYTHING! The children that you bring into your home I would make a guess that 99.9999999% of them were born into a home full of lies, deceit, and fears. All of those are not from God. They are going to come with generational sins (whether an infant or grown)…Pray for God to wipe those clean! You have the job to clean yourself of lies so you can be “effective” in helping them see what lies they believe! I feel like I have a renewed vision on how to help ALL of my children!

Just to clear up one thing: according to the world many struggle with “self-esteem” The Bible teaches us that our self-esteem comes through Christ alone and His Word is ALIVE!

Thank you Jesus for you Word and using us an imperfect people to be effective for YOU!

Ice Cream!

So this last week was very hard with behaviors with Beth. She has been through a lot in her life and many times acts more like a 2 or 3 year old than a 6 year old. I know one day she will catch up, but only with a lot of love and structure. But how do you show a child that has been hurt and always has her guard up that she can trust, love, and bond with you? (She is REAL good at acting like all is well with the world and that she is just fine.) I have discovered many things trying to build a lasting relationship with her and hopefully still going to learn.

Some things I have learned:

1. Cuddle much, but on my terms to limit her controlling issues.
• This also will help her get past her infant stages that she never got to go through
2. Use a lower, soft voice when disciplining
3. Must be patient: When I get frustrated she will either:
• shut down or
• get agitated
4. Keep reminding her when that "ugly" behavior comes out:
• "No matter what I will still love you!"
5. Get at her level and look into her eyes.
6. Remind her all the time how beautiful she is but God is concerned with her heart.
• This helps with her tendency to REALLY brag.
7. Find what helps her to feel love so she can trust me.

I had to take a photo of this
memory!

Well I think I found the last one! Putting fragments of information together after our adoption was final we believe Beth at the age of three was responsible to feed herself and her brothers. It was mainly sugar items like cereal, pop, and lots of candy. That is why she had bad cavities at age 3. It answers a lot. Every time we would give her a treat she would inhales it. At the beginning we greatly limited her intake. We are not a big candy family, in fact our Halloween candy usually is still around by Easter for that candy. I was more concerned with her getting a weight issue. However, I started to think what if I use this to teach and show love to her. So that is what I am doing. Tonight was amazing. No one was around, but Beth and I. I cuddled with her and told her how I loved her. Then I spoon fed her chocolate chip ice cream while teaching her how to savor the flavor. I had her tell me what she tasted over her tongue. All the time on my lap telling her how I was loving having this time with her as we looked at each other's eyes. What a treasured moment! She didn't want to go to bed tonight and it wasn't because she had to sleep, but that she had to leave me. More of these moments I pray come. Thank you heavenly Father for this moment.

Bonding...one way street or two??

So here is the question of the week...can you bond when a child sabotages the bonding process? I have several discussions this week on this and still don't know exactly what I think. Love is most defiantly a choice that one person can choose even when the other person does not. So is bonding a choice that can be made one sided? One person told me yes. According to this person I can bond with Beth by my choice. Even when she seems to always push me away with frustrating behaviors where trust keeps getting lost. Another person told me that the bonding process has to have two willing participates because bonding is a two ways street. So even though I love Beth so much and desire to bond with her with all my heart I can not if she chooses to not bond with me. Love her, but not bond. So what do you think? I desire to have a close relationship with her like I experience with all my other children. I have tried to bond, but still feel alienated from her. Therefore, I am leaning towards agreeing with the second person.

How do you discipline your kids?

How do you discipline your kids? That question can stir up many emotions and lots of different ideas. What is really interesting that when you adopt many people have lots of opinions on how you should discipline them. Have we got flack on how we discipline our birth kids? Yes, but nothing like the flack with our adopted children. In fact it started from the day we got them almost. Finally Joe started saying, “Hey you like how our girls turned out so let us do our job!”

We are dealing with some interesting behaviors. Our birth children at one time or another have struggled with a few of these behaviors, but not to this big of scope that we have with our adopted children. We face lying, deceit, hitting, screaming, (not normal 2 year old) temper tantrums, huge fears, manipulations, and man the control issues. Some days it is all day long with something. It is so much better than when we first got them. One of them would scream every time we were in the van and when we would pray. Now that child begs to pray and just asks a million questions in the van! One thing I have learned is you will think a behavior is finally not coming anymore when WAM it hits with a vengeance again. It boils down to sin. Sin, sin, sin, sin, sin…icky sin. For years they were surrounded with it and in fact were encouraged to encage in it.

I hesitate to share more, because I don’t want anyone to treat my children differently so I will try and be sensitive to what I say.

Our adopted children’s birth mom was in the paper and many people commented in the paper about her for what she did. I have sympathy for her. I know she had no one to turn to and struggled much with her sinful nature. It is no excuse what she did to MY children. With that said my children will not be victims. What I mean by that is having self pity for what happened is not God honoring and will be dealt with in my family. We will deal with the hurt in a godly way by learning about grace, mercy, and forgiveness. However, the tendency that people have when hearing (a shorten version) of their story is to lean towards having pity, cuddle, give them things, and just “love” them. What ends up happening is behaviors are over-looked and this is not love. Yes, I have pity (dog-gone-it I weep when I have to read the court records or when one of the kids tell me something they remember), I cuddle lots, I give them things, but the love I and Joe give is balanced with firmness. Some people have a real problem with this. They call us too strict, harsh, firm, and mean.

God has given me as THEIR mom an instinct to know when they are lying, manipulating, controlling, and being deceitful. I can not explain it except that it is from God. Joe calls me the lie detector. The loving smiling faces people see when we are out are from the large amount of talk and discipline from their mommy and daddy. Also those loving and smiling faces can be a façade that is trying to manipulate and control you. Yes many people I know have been controlled by our kids and they did not know it. We would watch this going on not saying anything, not wanting to cause a scene. Interesting for us was that as soon as we went home behaviors of trying to control us and the siblings would start. From now on I will make a scene if I have too. I won’t say I am sorry here, because I am building up and teaching my children to be respectful and honoring to all people.

Yes we may appear harsh and you may not agree with us at times. We are all in a fight against our sinful nature. Our heart is to serve God and to raise up warriors for Christ.. Warriors that are not deceitful in their attacks but know how to be honest, loving, and truthful. Awww Truth… when you don’t have it you do not have trust. Trust is a foundation of relationships. Everyone would agree that we need trust for a relationship. Because of the you need trust to bond…I want to bond to my kids. In love I am hard on my kids because it is what is best for them and they, you, and me will benefit later.

God please give me wisdom in loving and teaching my children the right path.

Oh My, the Questions!

A family of eight we are because of God grace and mercy on each one of the 8. Because we are now classified under the category of large families there have been some interesting insights.

One thing is we get stares now that we are a large family. Every where we go it seems that people are counting the little ducklings I have. What is funny is I did it too and still do except now I do so I can ask the mom for advice. One day we were at McDonalds and I saw a family with 10 kids and I figured she homeschooled, because it was the middle of a school day. So I sought some advice from her. Praise the Lord she was a Christian and really nice. We especially get the stares at restaurants. And when I say stares I am serious. They won’t look away. The older girls hate it. I feel like we are a show. So anytime it happens I have started to make the show interactive. Yes the folks that seem to just continue to stare get included in the drama. I start talking to them and joking around. Pretty soon they start either laughing or decide to stay to themselves with a minimal glace of the eyes. Works for me!

Another interesting insight is the questions. Oh my, the questions!! At first I relished the questions. I don’t know, but some of the same questions over and over can be annoying. Why…well I am still trying to figure it out and learning to handle it gracefully. To be honest a lot of the questions could be stopped by me by not sharing that my younger three are adopted. I try not to share and I usually don’t if the kids are present, because they are my kids no matter if they come from my womb or from my heart. God has it that they look a lot like us too so it is not that obvious.  However, I feel like I need to tell people for a couple of reasons. One is that it puts adoption out there. If some people I know had never said they had adopted I would of never got to learn more about adoption from their godly eyes. Another reason (and this one I need to get over and just deal with) is that the behaviors of the younger three can be out there (and sometime embarrassing) and I feel that I must explain them…that I am having to come to grips with and is another BLOG subject.

When I do share that the kids are adopting I get either two responses… usually. One that hurts is, “You are crazy!” I know it is said in humor, but yet deep down I feel they meant is seriously. Joe and I have just been obedient and it hurts when people say it. If obedient is crazy then I will be crazy for God! Or instead of flat out saying that I am crazy they try to say it a little different, but I feel they mean it in the same way. “I could never do that…you are amazing!” I know you may think that I am wrong here and that is ok, but if someone starts the sentence with a “I could never” then if that person doesn’t think they are crazy/weird/wrong for not doing it then they must think that I am. Yes I am an over thinker, but I get this sooooooooo often with adoption and home schooling. With God all things are possible!

Another question that pops up all the time is if they were foster, domestic, or international adoptions. That I really don’t mind. I guess the question that seems to always follow is a little weird to me, but I think I now have a better come back. The question is, “Were or Are they siblings?” Umm in my mind it doesn’t matter because they are now!  So I say, “They are now!” If this question is asked with them around it pushes the older sisters out of the equation…they feel alienated. They have enough problems not separating themselves and sharing parents… (another BLOG subject)

God wants me to respond in a loving way and I do most of the time, but I just want to share these thoughts to help others to think who is around and what the motivation for asking is. Unfortunately there has been WAY too many times I have asked a question or said something that I just wasn’t thinking how that person may take it or why I was even asking it. My mouth gets in my way toooooooo many times.

Other insights are obvious. Pinching pennies more (learning this one especially this month…everyone is going through a growth spurt and Christmas presents), takes more time to get ready, home schooling is harder, time flies by (really it just was January 2011!), planning is more important, time with husband is more important, and many more. The biggest insight is how faithful and good our God is. I am consumed with His mighty power and love for us. 2011 has seen us go through so much, but in every single joy, sorrow, pain, cry, laugh, fear God has meant it for each member in this large family for his or her GOOD! Thank you my King of kings for all those moments in 2011…even the moments where I am still trying to figure out where the good was, but I have trust in YOU my Rock that it was and will be for Good.

"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46: 10