My weight loss journey

My before picture taken October 2010

What a journey I have been on for the past year and half. God has done a mighty work in my life teaching me about capturing my thoughts and self-control. Looking back I never realized how much I had incorrect thought processes and also how much I struggled with self-control.

In February of 2011 I had gotten to a point of decision. I was physically having issues with my knees, hip, back, and feet. I was exhausted every day to the point of not wanting to get out of bed, because I was tired and my body hurt. I had gained 10 pounds just with stress of doubling our family overnight. I had my hormones tested and my stress hormone and all other ones along with it were off the chart too high. I knew I had to do something.

With much prayers God guided me to join Weight Watchers. I was nervous and apprehensive when I signed up with my best friend. I didn’t know if I could be successful at losing weight. I know I had lost weight with WW before, but I never kept it off. God used WW and my commitment to study His Word to change my way of thinking. I plunged into my thoughts and was a little shocked at some of the things I was replacing my heavenly Father with…chocolate and other sweets. NOTHING, yes nothing can compare to my Heavenly Father, my Abba, my King. It was an eye opener, yet still difficult to wrap my mind around new way of thinking of how I felt when I ate. Many emotions can trigger bad habits. God came along side of me and taught me many things about Him and my behaviors. At times a feeling of being overwhelmed comes with all the things I need to change, but God is faithful to stand alongside of me and give me strength when I need it and a peace going through it.

My after picture taken today.
Love my bare feet? LOL

Today, more than 70 pounds lighter, I have had no more problems with my knees, hip, or feet. My back has greatly improved too. I have more of a control with my hormones and my energy level is off the roof. I can keep up with my kids and sometimes I just have to jump up and down because I feel so good. I still am not a morning person, but once my feet hit the floor I am looking forward to sitting on my chair or going outside with my dog to study my Father’s words to me. I love those times in the morning now and treasure them!

 I thank God every day and do not want to go back to how I felt and how I replaced my God with food. Yes I had an idol and it was food. My God loved me through it all and came along side of me to encourage me and at times to whip me into shape! He also gave me a wonderful husband to love me unconditionally and to encourage me through this journey and more journeys to come.

This journey has now taking me down another path. I am blessed to be selected for a part-time job with Weight Watchers! I am trying to retain lots of training right now! I love learning how to come alongside other people to encourage them to change their thoughts for a healthy person. I can’t shut up about it and I am looking forward to what lies ahead. I really like many of the WW sayings. One is “Choice not Chance determines your Destiny.” God gives us choices and teaches us what wise choices are. Question is do you make the wise choices or the foolish choices?

Doing Chores

Teaching children how to do chores is SO important. One of the great things is that it builds confidence. To see their little faces when they have done a great job is amazing. Yes there are those time that the job is done with a half the effort and it shows. Those are the times that teaching and maybe an attitude adjustment need to happen. Teaching our children to think of others, take care of self, and have joy in doing work are all God honoring.
The past couple weeks David has taken to folding clothes like a champ. He loves being a helper and honestly it helps tremendously for me to know that things are done. You have to give up the nice and neat rows of folded clothes in the drawer, but it gets done and is out of the hamper and in the drawer! He is only 4, but can do so many things. David has learned to do recycling, vacuum the laminate, dust the baseboards, put away the silverware, and now fold and put away his clothes. He even helps me fold and put away Wesley's! He has joy in working!

Interruptions or Interventions

Isn’t it amazing how you can get so focused on you day to day struggles you forget about the big picture view? God wants us to give our all to the day to day grind, but not to forget why we are doing it. I am guilty. Staying the Word of God is the only way I can remember and meditate on that big picture view.

The things that I struggle with the most are when the children disobey. Here is the thing…I take it personally and get offended that they acted the way they did. You know what I am talking about, those times you have said a million times to not throw toys at people, run in the house, no spitting, wash your hands after going the bathroom, finish the dishes, and even get up you sleepy head it is NOON! (We won’t go there to whom that may be.) Being offended is not the right behavior for me.

My job is to train up and raise warriors for Christ. God never did tell me how long that was going to take or promise me that was going to be easy or that they will choose to listen and follow in obedience! What He does share with me is that He is compassionate, merciful, truthful, loving, just, will never leave me, and that I need to strive to be more like Him every day. Look up Exodus 34:6, Psalms 86:15, Galatians 2: 20, and Hebrews 13:5. So if I was more like Him would I be offended or would I even get angry at Him because I have it rough.

Okay so let me transparent. Never thought this was my issue, but God says it is so I better listen and change my course of action. When we had kids I knew that it would be a life changing event, but my view and God’s view of that life changing event(s) was very different. I also knew there would be struggles. But God knew these struggles would not stop once you think the child “got it”. Few weeks (ok maybe an hour) later they do the same dog gone thing and you again have to spend all the time re-talking, re-disciple, and re-heart ache. Then my angry would once again rear its ugly head, because you’ve been there, that millionth time you have said no don’t touch the fire. I had to take time out of “my” planned day and discipline a child. Stupid, I know, but I would say I was justified in getting angry at them.

What God has revealed to me is that I am getting angry at Him for “my” life not being what I had planned. Those divine interruptions need to be divine interventions. You probably have heard that as parents you have lots of teachable moments…those teachable moments are actually more teachable moments for me! Being a parent is hard work, but it is even harder when I fight with God over how these parenting years should look like. I am tired of having my little adult temper tantrums and want to align myself up with my Father. Sure makes me appreciate Him more!

Joe and I are facing many giants in front us with raising 6 godly children in this fallen world. We don’t know what lies ahead, but together we hold loosely to our expectations and always are on the lookout for opportunities to join God where He is working! We know that every day there are six opportunities! What about you?

Negative Reactions

Have you ever wondered why we react the way we do when something happens? Maybe I am weird, but I do a lot. I try to figure it out especially when my reaction is not pleasing to my Savior. Unfortunately I find that many of my reaction/behaviors are ingrained in me to the point that they are terrible habits that I must break. I also have found that I can rationalize the convictions away.

Being a parent you soon learn that your reactions to your children are mimicked and they take your behaviors and pretty quickly they turn into habits. I have struggled with anger most of my life. It is a terrible sin and habit…I am talking about even those irritating sighs I give off to my yelling. I stuffed things for years and then almost as a release the emotion of all that stuffing would pop out in anger and sometimes frustrated tears too. Stress is a major trigger for me. When I start feeling overwhelmed and that nothing is going right, my frustration boils over. I see this in my birth children and I am guessing if I do not get a handle on this soon my adopted children will too. Now that I am aware of it I am helping my children see what I did not see for years. Training and growing is always going on around here! With my adopted children I see other behaviors that come from how they were raised previously.

I am trying hard to not stuff anymore and to deal with issues right away. Also when I get those overwhelming moments I have to stop and ask God what He wants me to learn at that moment. Honestly I fail more than I would like to admit, but God also gives me many victories! In turn I am trying to teach what I am learning to my children so that they can learn these hard lessons before they get these habits so ingrained in them that they will accept them as normal.

The harder thing for me lately is to help the adopted children. Yes I know that what they learned was from abuse and sin (sin is what my birth children learn from too, unfortunately). To help them defeat the specific behaviors is hard especially when I don’t know where it stems from.

The other day we were at a party and someone from the kids past came to the party also…all good memories with this someone. However, on the way home we had an episode that we have not had in a very long time. At first I was taken aback from the behavior, but then God revealed to me that she must have had a trigger to a bad memory or memories. Even though there were very good memories with the couple at the party it still brought back memories of the past abuse. I am guessing it brought back the old memories because that was why she had been placed with them. Not knowing how to deal with these old feelings again she reacted in a “fight” mode. Crying, yelling and arguments to both Joe and I lasted the entire drive home. All of it started with us telling her to not lean down in her car seat so she would be safe with the seat belt on correctly.

It took several minutes at home to calm her down and to point to the truth. Finally after she calmed down and we were able to talk, she was able to tell me what troubled her. She said that her “mom” and “dad” did not treat her right when she was little. That is all she said, but she was able to voice what was wrong which was wonderful! Amazing how seeing people that loved you will bring hurtful memories back. More amazing is how those memories can cause us to react. Learning how to voice our feelings and get a handle on how we are feeling is a great step to healing and recognizing the love and mercy God has for us to receive! God saved us from the most horrible thing I can think of, eternal separation from his presence, yet we accuse Him and treat Him like He did something wrong. Yet our God listens to us and waits with open arms. Honestly that night was hard with my little girl, but God is always faithful and I know that one day my little girl will grow from all this and bring Glory to God!  I also hold to the truth that God will give me victory over my reactions too! My God is amazing!!!!!!!!!!

“Let the little children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” Mark 10:14b

My Name is MOM!

A few days ago Wesley kept saying “mom” over and over again just for fun. At the time it was not fun for me. I was trying hard to get things done and he was just following me saying my name again and again. I considered changing my name. He didn’t want anything, just wanted to say my name. I started to raise my voice and yell, “QUIET!!”, but then in my mind flashed many friends’ faces that have fought to become pregnant. Many never have had a biological baby and many have lost their baby before getting to hold them.

All of a sudden my child that God gave to me, not from my womb, but from my wanting to obey my God looked totally adorable. I was washed with complete awe of God’s love for me to bless ME with children both biological and adopted. Why did he choose imperfect me? I am so unworthy. I can tell you I have grown more and quicker than ever in my spiritual walk since our adoption, but I am still oh so selfish. God has made it clear....my name is MOM!

Then you have those days that you really just plain hard. Those days that your 6 year old waits until you turn your eyes away to do what you just told her “no!” You love her, but you must be firm in her discipline. Balancing love and firmness some days is a challenge; especially when it happens over and over again. One thing that many do not understand is that discipline for a child from hard places verses a biological child takes much more work and a lot of mental effort. They need to know they cannot control you, must ask not tell. So much of our days are dealing with those little signs of manipulation. Granted they are getting in less frequency, but they must be dealt with immediately or those little signs become big signs. Those are the days that I would like to change my name. Those are the days I cry from physical and mental exhaustion. Those are the days that I cry out to God and He comforts me and sometimes sends me a friend going through the same thing.

Today was one of those days. This week has been interesting to say it nicely with Beth. This morning I got an e-mail from a dear friend who has adopted also. I discovered our week has been almost the same and yes I wish she didn’t have to go through it, but man does it encourage me to know I am not alone. Together we can sharpen one another. Together we can encourage one another when others just don’t get why we have to face every battle full on. Together we can remind each other of the blessing to be called MOM!

Thank you God for friends and being called MOM!

By the Grace of God go I

 I would like to share my thoughts with you today. 

It is amazing any more how time just flies by. It always reminds me of the song SOON by Hillsong that goes, “Soon and very soon. I will be with the One I love.” This gives me a sense of urgency. I want to always be alert to the fact that my time here on earth is short. Am I using my time wisely? What are my concerns in this life that I am focusing on? How much of an impact am I making in those around me? Can you even measure those things?

Yesterday Joe and I were talking about the changes all six of our children have gone through lately. Not just physical changes, but emotional and spiritual too. All those questions above were not in my mind at the time. Our three birth children are maturing before our eyes. We can see ever so slightly the transition from our faith to their faith. In other words they are owning their faith more and more. I see compassion for others coming from them and desire to see people come to a realization of their sins. What is really exciting is I am seeing a deeper bond with us as a family that is starting to unify us for the glory of God.

The bond as a whole family has impacted all of us. Beth is finally bonding with me! It has taken a lot of hard work to start seeing some fruit. I had to choose to love when it was really hard to love. Through those times she kept pushing me and pushing me away. Every time I got close reaching her emotionally she would push me away with a behavior to be honest was Ugly. We still has a way to go, but we are getting there one step at a time.

So back to how I started this post. Can we measure? I think changes are a good way of measuring…small and big. I could throw away all these changes and fuzzy feeling in the dump if God is not the author of these changes. God gets all the glory for any of these. We are in a battle even during these seemingly peaceful times. Satan is lurking, wanting to get our focus off of God because he knows that song is true above. What impact can we make here on earth before we are gone?  I look forward to falling at the feet of my savior, but I want to be able to look Him in the eye too!

Let us spread the good news of the gospel to everyone we meet. Be bold! Love mercy and seek justice! I want to start here to train up my little soldiers to be mighty warriors for God. I need to make sure my training manual is being used and my kids know why they are here for a short time on this earth. By the grace of God go I …how about you?

My thoughts...

I have never been a play-it-safe or timid kind of person. I jump right into something and get-r-done. However, yesterday morning during my Bible time I realized something. I always thought I was that way with my faith, however.... In an earthly sense I am, but comparing it to God's spiritual sense I am or have not been. WQhen God has laid it upon my heart to take a step in faith I do, but a step then I had two or three. I PLAN ahead. Yes I am a planner. I have a course of action all the time. Problem is God did not give me that second or third step when He told me to take that step. That was my own desire not His. 

I want to have that Resurrection faith, the faith that says, "Lord I am taking that step you have asked me to." ...then I WAIT! Wait for Him to guide me in the next step. I have done this on occasions and have been blessed, but many times I get too antsy and jump the gun. That is when the frustration in my circumstance starts. Starting today, right now Lord, I submit fully to listening and waiting for your voice. To follow in your footsteps. To turn to you before I step.

How does this effect my life? There are many areas as a parent and wife. Right now it has affected my home-school all year long. Why did it take me so long to learn?! Re-focusing is happening today. Starting today I wait...with anticipation!!