View of Adoption from 6 and 4 year olds

So yesterday was Wesley's 2nd year Gotcha Day. Hard to believe it has been two years. All three children are growing up quickly and we are all molding together as a family better each day. I decided to ask David and Beth some questions today to see what their point of view on being a Myers. Wesley still is not talking much so I could not ask him. Enjoy!

I asked Beth these questions:
Me: "What do you like about being adopted?"
Beth: "I like that we get to be a family together. I like sharing a room with my sister and sometimes getting to sleep with her. I like having a house and our new play house outside."
Me: "What do you not like about being adopted?"
Beth: "I like being adopted, it's fun."
Me: "What is fun about it?"
Beth: "I get to play with my brothers and live in our house."
Me: "What makes you happy?"
Beth: "Sharing a room with Hannah."
Me: "What makes you sad?"
Beth: "When I have to go in time out or go to sleep early, because I disobeyed or when I don't get to play with our new playhouse."


I asked David these questions: (keeping a straight face was hard!)
Me: "What do you like about being in this family?"
David: "It is awesome and I like this family. It is so good and God said it is good and He loves us and died for our sins. This world is for God."
Me: "What makes you happy?"
David: "A toy, my brother, sisters, bed, a horse, Winn-a-Pooh, lion, Puffle, Mommy and Daddy."
Me: "What makes you sad?"
David: "When my brother takes my toy and hits me. When daddy is gone to work. When I have a bad dream. When you and Sarah were gone, it made me so sad." That last part was said in a very sad tone.

Bring It On!

What a month! Crazy how time flies and we are now back at school and back into a routine. Ok well kind of into a routine. I have learned so much from my Father this month and have been stretched more than I have wanted at times.

One area of stretching has been in homeschooling. Sarah and I went on an awesome mission trip the first week and ½ in August. We returned and two days later we started back into school. To say the least I have not enjoyed it. It is really challenging to keep little ones quiet while teaching older children Algebra then suddenly switch gears to teach colors or addition. Did I say I am being stretched?

I have had to go to the basics. Why do I teach my children? Why am I not enjoying schooling my children? First my children need a Biblical view of this world. God created the world and everything in it so who better to learn from! Having a Biblical worldview will give them tools to grow. If they embrace the truths joy will be in their future. They will have struggles in this life so if I can teach them how to have peace and joy in them what better gift can a mom give her children?

This brings me to why I am not enjoying homeschooling. I have not given my struggles up to God and sought His wisdom. Wait, did I just admit that out loud? Struggles are inevitable. To make it even more complex is that homeschooling is not an easy road to take, just like being a parent! Some days you wonder if you can look at your children for another second without wanting to cry, scream, and run away. Struggles come. Some struggles are every second of a day and NOTHING gets done like you want. I have had days that every time I turn around someone is in timeout and another I am talking to about behavior…kind of like those revolving doors…I want to get out of those doors!!!!

God is NOT surprised by what is going on. In fact reminding myself, I live in an imperfect world with imperfect children who have an imperfect mom keeps me in the right mind. I want more than this world has to offer! I want to not lose control. I want a peace that surpasses all understanding. When I approach my struggles seeking to see what God is trying to teach me or my children I have that peace.  God loves me and knows what I and my children need to become people of righteousness. We are only here for a short time and in eternity we will have NO struggles. If we must go through struggles to learn how to become people who God will say “Well done, good and faithful servant!” then bring them on! That end result is worth it all. 

My weight loss journey

My before picture taken October 2010

What a journey I have been on for the past year and half. God has done a mighty work in my life teaching me about capturing my thoughts and self-control. Looking back I never realized how much I had incorrect thought processes and also how much I struggled with self-control.

In February of 2011 I had gotten to a point of decision. I was physically having issues with my knees, hip, back, and feet. I was exhausted every day to the point of not wanting to get out of bed, because I was tired and my body hurt. I had gained 10 pounds just with stress of doubling our family overnight. I had my hormones tested and my stress hormone and all other ones along with it were off the chart too high. I knew I had to do something.

With much prayers God guided me to join Weight Watchers. I was nervous and apprehensive when I signed up with my best friend. I didn’t know if I could be successful at losing weight. I know I had lost weight with WW before, but I never kept it off. God used WW and my commitment to study His Word to change my way of thinking. I plunged into my thoughts and was a little shocked at some of the things I was replacing my heavenly Father with…chocolate and other sweets. NOTHING, yes nothing can compare to my Heavenly Father, my Abba, my King. It was an eye opener, yet still difficult to wrap my mind around new way of thinking of how I felt when I ate. Many emotions can trigger bad habits. God came along side of me and taught me many things about Him and my behaviors. At times a feeling of being overwhelmed comes with all the things I need to change, but God is faithful to stand alongside of me and give me strength when I need it and a peace going through it.

My after picture taken today.
Love my bare feet? LOL

Today, more than 70 pounds lighter, I have had no more problems with my knees, hip, or feet. My back has greatly improved too. I have more of a control with my hormones and my energy level is off the roof. I can keep up with my kids and sometimes I just have to jump up and down because I feel so good. I still am not a morning person, but once my feet hit the floor I am looking forward to sitting on my chair or going outside with my dog to study my Father’s words to me. I love those times in the morning now and treasure them!

 I thank God every day and do not want to go back to how I felt and how I replaced my God with food. Yes I had an idol and it was food. My God loved me through it all and came along side of me to encourage me and at times to whip me into shape! He also gave me a wonderful husband to love me unconditionally and to encourage me through this journey and more journeys to come.

This journey has now taking me down another path. I am blessed to be selected for a part-time job with Weight Watchers! I am trying to retain lots of training right now! I love learning how to come alongside other people to encourage them to change their thoughts for a healthy person. I can’t shut up about it and I am looking forward to what lies ahead. I really like many of the WW sayings. One is “Choice not Chance determines your Destiny.” God gives us choices and teaches us what wise choices are. Question is do you make the wise choices or the foolish choices?

Doing Chores

Teaching children how to do chores is SO important. One of the great things is that it builds confidence. To see their little faces when they have done a great job is amazing. Yes there are those time that the job is done with a half the effort and it shows. Those are the times that teaching and maybe an attitude adjustment need to happen. Teaching our children to think of others, take care of self, and have joy in doing work are all God honoring.
The past couple weeks David has taken to folding clothes like a champ. He loves being a helper and honestly it helps tremendously for me to know that things are done. You have to give up the nice and neat rows of folded clothes in the drawer, but it gets done and is out of the hamper and in the drawer! He is only 4, but can do so many things. David has learned to do recycling, vacuum the laminate, dust the baseboards, put away the silverware, and now fold and put away his clothes. He even helps me fold and put away Wesley's! He has joy in working!

Interruptions or Interventions

Isn’t it amazing how you can get so focused on you day to day struggles you forget about the big picture view? God wants us to give our all to the day to day grind, but not to forget why we are doing it. I am guilty. Staying the Word of God is the only way I can remember and meditate on that big picture view.

The things that I struggle with the most are when the children disobey. Here is the thing…I take it personally and get offended that they acted the way they did. You know what I am talking about, those times you have said a million times to not throw toys at people, run in the house, no spitting, wash your hands after going the bathroom, finish the dishes, and even get up you sleepy head it is NOON! (We won’t go there to whom that may be.) Being offended is not the right behavior for me.

My job is to train up and raise warriors for Christ. God never did tell me how long that was going to take or promise me that was going to be easy or that they will choose to listen and follow in obedience! What He does share with me is that He is compassionate, merciful, truthful, loving, just, will never leave me, and that I need to strive to be more like Him every day. Look up Exodus 34:6, Psalms 86:15, Galatians 2: 20, and Hebrews 13:5. So if I was more like Him would I be offended or would I even get angry at Him because I have it rough.

Okay so let me transparent. Never thought this was my issue, but God says it is so I better listen and change my course of action. When we had kids I knew that it would be a life changing event, but my view and God’s view of that life changing event(s) was very different. I also knew there would be struggles. But God knew these struggles would not stop once you think the child “got it”. Few weeks (ok maybe an hour) later they do the same dog gone thing and you again have to spend all the time re-talking, re-disciple, and re-heart ache. Then my angry would once again rear its ugly head, because you’ve been there, that millionth time you have said no don’t touch the fire. I had to take time out of “my” planned day and discipline a child. Stupid, I know, but I would say I was justified in getting angry at them.

What God has revealed to me is that I am getting angry at Him for “my” life not being what I had planned. Those divine interruptions need to be divine interventions. You probably have heard that as parents you have lots of teachable moments…those teachable moments are actually more teachable moments for me! Being a parent is hard work, but it is even harder when I fight with God over how these parenting years should look like. I am tired of having my little adult temper tantrums and want to align myself up with my Father. Sure makes me appreciate Him more!

Joe and I are facing many giants in front us with raising 6 godly children in this fallen world. We don’t know what lies ahead, but together we hold loosely to our expectations and always are on the lookout for opportunities to join God where He is working! We know that every day there are six opportunities! What about you?

Negative Reactions

Have you ever wondered why we react the way we do when something happens? Maybe I am weird, but I do a lot. I try to figure it out especially when my reaction is not pleasing to my Savior. Unfortunately I find that many of my reaction/behaviors are ingrained in me to the point that they are terrible habits that I must break. I also have found that I can rationalize the convictions away.

Being a parent you soon learn that your reactions to your children are mimicked and they take your behaviors and pretty quickly they turn into habits. I have struggled with anger most of my life. It is a terrible sin and habit…I am talking about even those irritating sighs I give off to my yelling. I stuffed things for years and then almost as a release the emotion of all that stuffing would pop out in anger and sometimes frustrated tears too. Stress is a major trigger for me. When I start feeling overwhelmed and that nothing is going right, my frustration boils over. I see this in my birth children and I am guessing if I do not get a handle on this soon my adopted children will too. Now that I am aware of it I am helping my children see what I did not see for years. Training and growing is always going on around here! With my adopted children I see other behaviors that come from how they were raised previously.

I am trying hard to not stuff anymore and to deal with issues right away. Also when I get those overwhelming moments I have to stop and ask God what He wants me to learn at that moment. Honestly I fail more than I would like to admit, but God also gives me many victories! In turn I am trying to teach what I am learning to my children so that they can learn these hard lessons before they get these habits so ingrained in them that they will accept them as normal.

The harder thing for me lately is to help the adopted children. Yes I know that what they learned was from abuse and sin (sin is what my birth children learn from too, unfortunately). To help them defeat the specific behaviors is hard especially when I don’t know where it stems from.

The other day we were at a party and someone from the kids past came to the party also…all good memories with this someone. However, on the way home we had an episode that we have not had in a very long time. At first I was taken aback from the behavior, but then God revealed to me that she must have had a trigger to a bad memory or memories. Even though there were very good memories with the couple at the party it still brought back memories of the past abuse. I am guessing it brought back the old memories because that was why she had been placed with them. Not knowing how to deal with these old feelings again she reacted in a “fight” mode. Crying, yelling and arguments to both Joe and I lasted the entire drive home. All of it started with us telling her to not lean down in her car seat so she would be safe with the seat belt on correctly.

It took several minutes at home to calm her down and to point to the truth. Finally after she calmed down and we were able to talk, she was able to tell me what troubled her. She said that her “mom” and “dad” did not treat her right when she was little. That is all she said, but she was able to voice what was wrong which was wonderful! Amazing how seeing people that loved you will bring hurtful memories back. More amazing is how those memories can cause us to react. Learning how to voice our feelings and get a handle on how we are feeling is a great step to healing and recognizing the love and mercy God has for us to receive! God saved us from the most horrible thing I can think of, eternal separation from his presence, yet we accuse Him and treat Him like He did something wrong. Yet our God listens to us and waits with open arms. Honestly that night was hard with my little girl, but God is always faithful and I know that one day my little girl will grow from all this and bring Glory to God!  I also hold to the truth that God will give me victory over my reactions too! My God is amazing!!!!!!!!!!

“Let the little children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” Mark 10:14b

My Name is MOM!

A few days ago Wesley kept saying “mom” over and over again just for fun. At the time it was not fun for me. I was trying hard to get things done and he was just following me saying my name again and again. I considered changing my name. He didn’t want anything, just wanted to say my name. I started to raise my voice and yell, “QUIET!!”, but then in my mind flashed many friends’ faces that have fought to become pregnant. Many never have had a biological baby and many have lost their baby before getting to hold them.

All of a sudden my child that God gave to me, not from my womb, but from my wanting to obey my God looked totally adorable. I was washed with complete awe of God’s love for me to bless ME with children both biological and adopted. Why did he choose imperfect me? I am so unworthy. I can tell you I have grown more and quicker than ever in my spiritual walk since our adoption, but I am still oh so selfish. God has made it clear....my name is MOM!

Then you have those days that you really just plain hard. Those days that your 6 year old waits until you turn your eyes away to do what you just told her “no!” You love her, but you must be firm in her discipline. Balancing love and firmness some days is a challenge; especially when it happens over and over again. One thing that many do not understand is that discipline for a child from hard places verses a biological child takes much more work and a lot of mental effort. They need to know they cannot control you, must ask not tell. So much of our days are dealing with those little signs of manipulation. Granted they are getting in less frequency, but they must be dealt with immediately or those little signs become big signs. Those are the days that I would like to change my name. Those are the days I cry from physical and mental exhaustion. Those are the days that I cry out to God and He comforts me and sometimes sends me a friend going through the same thing.

Today was one of those days. This week has been interesting to say it nicely with Beth. This morning I got an e-mail from a dear friend who has adopted also. I discovered our week has been almost the same and yes I wish she didn’t have to go through it, but man does it encourage me to know I am not alone. Together we can sharpen one another. Together we can encourage one another when others just don’t get why we have to face every battle full on. Together we can remind each other of the blessing to be called MOM!

Thank you God for friends and being called MOM!