Negative Reactions

Have you ever wondered why we react the way we do when something happens? Maybe I am weird, but I do a lot. I try to figure it out especially when my reaction is not pleasing to my Savior. Unfortunately I find that many of my reaction/behaviors are ingrained in me to the point that they are terrible habits that I must break. I also have found that I can rationalize the convictions away.

Being a parent you soon learn that your reactions to your children are mimicked and they take your behaviors and pretty quickly they turn into habits. I have struggled with anger most of my life. It is a terrible sin and habit…I am talking about even those irritating sighs I give off to my yelling. I stuffed things for years and then almost as a release the emotion of all that stuffing would pop out in anger and sometimes frustrated tears too. Stress is a major trigger for me. When I start feeling overwhelmed and that nothing is going right, my frustration boils over. I see this in my birth children and I am guessing if I do not get a handle on this soon my adopted children will too. Now that I am aware of it I am helping my children see what I did not see for years. Training and growing is always going on around here! With my adopted children I see other behaviors that come from how they were raised previously.

I am trying hard to not stuff anymore and to deal with issues right away. Also when I get those overwhelming moments I have to stop and ask God what He wants me to learn at that moment. Honestly I fail more than I would like to admit, but God also gives me many victories! In turn I am trying to teach what I am learning to my children so that they can learn these hard lessons before they get these habits so ingrained in them that they will accept them as normal.

The harder thing for me lately is to help the adopted children. Yes I know that what they learned was from abuse and sin (sin is what my birth children learn from too, unfortunately). To help them defeat the specific behaviors is hard especially when I don’t know where it stems from.

The other day we were at a party and someone from the kids past came to the party also…all good memories with this someone. However, on the way home we had an episode that we have not had in a very long time. At first I was taken aback from the behavior, but then God revealed to me that she must have had a trigger to a bad memory or memories. Even though there were very good memories with the couple at the party it still brought back memories of the past abuse. I am guessing it brought back the old memories because that was why she had been placed with them. Not knowing how to deal with these old feelings again she reacted in a “fight” mode. Crying, yelling and arguments to both Joe and I lasted the entire drive home. All of it started with us telling her to not lean down in her car seat so she would be safe with the seat belt on correctly.

It took several minutes at home to calm her down and to point to the truth. Finally after she calmed down and we were able to talk, she was able to tell me what troubled her. She said that her “mom” and “dad” did not treat her right when she was little. That is all she said, but she was able to voice what was wrong which was wonderful! Amazing how seeing people that loved you will bring hurtful memories back. More amazing is how those memories can cause us to react. Learning how to voice our feelings and get a handle on how we are feeling is a great step to healing and recognizing the love and mercy God has for us to receive! God saved us from the most horrible thing I can think of, eternal separation from his presence, yet we accuse Him and treat Him like He did something wrong. Yet our God listens to us and waits with open arms. Honestly that night was hard with my little girl, but God is always faithful and I know that one day my little girl will grow from all this and bring Glory to God!  I also hold to the truth that God will give me victory over my reactions too! My God is amazing!!!!!!!!!!

“Let the little children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” Mark 10:14b