How do you discipline your kids?

How do you discipline your kids? That question can stir up many emotions and lots of different ideas. What is really interesting that when you adopt many people have lots of opinions on how you should discipline them. Have we got flack on how we discipline our birth kids? Yes, but nothing like the flack with our adopted children. In fact it started from the day we got them almost. Finally Joe started saying, “Hey you like how our girls turned out so let us do our job!”

We are dealing with some interesting behaviors. Our birth children at one time or another have struggled with a few of these behaviors, but not to this big of scope that we have with our adopted children. We face lying, deceit, hitting, screaming, (not normal 2 year old) temper tantrums, huge fears, manipulations, and man the control issues. Some days it is all day long with something. It is so much better than when we first got them. One of them would scream every time we were in the van and when we would pray. Now that child begs to pray and just asks a million questions in the van! One thing I have learned is you will think a behavior is finally not coming anymore when WAM it hits with a vengeance again. It boils down to sin. Sin, sin, sin, sin, sin…icky sin. For years they were surrounded with it and in fact were encouraged to encage in it.

I hesitate to share more, because I don’t want anyone to treat my children differently so I will try and be sensitive to what I say.

Our adopted children’s birth mom was in the paper and many people commented in the paper about her for what she did. I have sympathy for her. I know she had no one to turn to and struggled much with her sinful nature. It is no excuse what she did to MY children. With that said my children will not be victims. What I mean by that is having self pity for what happened is not God honoring and will be dealt with in my family. We will deal with the hurt in a godly way by learning about grace, mercy, and forgiveness. However, the tendency that people have when hearing (a shorten version) of their story is to lean towards having pity, cuddle, give them things, and just “love” them. What ends up happening is behaviors are over-looked and this is not love. Yes, I have pity (dog-gone-it I weep when I have to read the court records or when one of the kids tell me something they remember), I cuddle lots, I give them things, but the love I and Joe give is balanced with firmness. Some people have a real problem with this. They call us too strict, harsh, firm, and mean.

God has given me as THEIR mom an instinct to know when they are lying, manipulating, controlling, and being deceitful. I can not explain it except that it is from God. Joe calls me the lie detector. The loving smiling faces people see when we are out are from the large amount of talk and discipline from their mommy and daddy. Also those loving and smiling faces can be a façade that is trying to manipulate and control you. Yes many people I know have been controlled by our kids and they did not know it. We would watch this going on not saying anything, not wanting to cause a scene. Interesting for us was that as soon as we went home behaviors of trying to control us and the siblings would start. From now on I will make a scene if I have too. I won’t say I am sorry here, because I am building up and teaching my children to be respectful and honoring to all people.

Yes we may appear harsh and you may not agree with us at times. We are all in a fight against our sinful nature. Our heart is to serve God and to raise up warriors for Christ.. Warriors that are not deceitful in their attacks but know how to be honest, loving, and truthful. Awww Truth… when you don’t have it you do not have trust. Trust is a foundation of relationships. Everyone would agree that we need trust for a relationship. Because of the you need trust to bond…I want to bond to my kids. In love I am hard on my kids because it is what is best for them and they, you, and me will benefit later.

God please give me wisdom in loving and teaching my children the right path.