You are about to read the heart of our birth children. It
may offend some of you, but they are just expressing their feelings. They are
not perfect and God is working in our girls more than ever. This adoption has
transformed our lives even more than they can see at their young age. God is
revealing things in their lives daily and my (all) children are seeing God work
on a daily bases. Please show grace as
you read these, but also I hope these open your eyes to the struggling side of adoption.
You may ask would we do it again after reading this. By the grace of our
Heavenly Father...YES! In fact the girls are already asking when we will do it
again.
From Hannah age 11…
When we got the kids they were trouble makers. Beth was
sweet and loved me so much. But when she moved in she ignored, copycatted,
annoyed, and lied to me and more of that kid stuff. David was cute but now he is
starting doing all what Beth does. Wesley he’s cute but he cries so much. All
year it was wild but after Winter Jam I changed and I can see that I am nicer
to the kids. If God was not in me I would be mean to them and I wouldn’t ask
God to help me with any troubles with the kids. This year I’m very ahead in
school even with the little kids around. I always wanted to be a big sister.
Now I have loving siblings and my dream came true.
Rachel
(age 14)
A
year ago, in a court room... three kids were being adopted…by my parents. Never
once would my family go back down to five, a forever family. August of 2010 is
when we had the three little ones placed in our homes. Before we had them in
our home we knew the little girl and boy because we knew the little girl's
foster parents from church.
In
the spring of 2010 my parents had a family meeting with me and my two other sisters.
They told us they were going to try to adopt the little girl. I and my sisters
were so happy. Finally we would have another little sister! So first my parents
had to take classes. Then we found out the little girl, 'Beth' had two brothers
in another foster home, so now we would get them. Yip-pi we get brothers! Then
we had to sell our cars and get bigger ones, buy clothes, and then the Lord
provided us a fourth bedroom. We also had to sacrifice getting rid of some
animals, stuff, space, quietness, and quality time with our parents, just for
them. Before we had the kids placed in our homes, Beth was a sweet little girl.
After they were placed her true inside showed, she would manipulate you, lie,
and copy. Yes she hurt me and my sisters a lot but we got through it.
Looking back I see that she has improved quite a lot. Another struggle was
David, he would bite, scream, kick, and be rude. But still we showered him with
love, and he has improved also. Another struggle is when we talk to people
or visit or have friends over. They just seem to cuddle and give so much
attention to the little kids and we are left in the corner. Only thing people
really talked about with us older ones was all about the adoption and about how
cute they were. I'm sick of talking about the adoption.
Good things have come to the adoption though, 1st is that these siblings
have a family and home, 2nd my little siblings are great helpers, 3rd is bigger
family means more love.
Sarah
(age 15)
Nobody
can truly understand the concept of unconditional love. Yet it is confusing at
times. My family has learned and grown more in this love. An adoption can bring
hardship, joy, closeness, and unity. The one thing that it makes you struggle
with is how to love someone, who is unsure to love you back. When my family
adopted, I thought everything was going to be right and dandy. It wasn’t. Being
a teenager and then suddenly you have to share love with five siblings is hard.
I wanted alone time, because I didn’t want to mess up when I interacted with
them. Through all of this I have learned that you need to search yourself to
find any faults and fix them with God’s help. It makes getting along a lot
easier. Then through God find your explanation of unconditional love and
demonstrate it to the kids. I have been blessed by seeing the hand of God in my
life and my parents’ life.
I can totally resonate with all of the above and I know my girls can too. It's hard for "outsiders" to understand. Only by the grace of God can we do this. We choose to love because He loves us and joy comes in the morning. He is faithful.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Carmen wrote. There is this transitional phase in adoption for the WHOLE family, not just the adopted kids. That phase can be rough, bring out emotions that you never realized you had, and grow and stretch you AND your kids in gigantic ways. Your sweet girls have loved on your three younger ones in amazing ways. They are loving big sisters and they have handled this gigantic change in their lives in many God-glorifying ways. That they struggle, just as we do as the newly adoptive parents, is part of this too. I love that the communication is so open in your home that they feel SAFE in being able to express their deep struggles with you and Joe, that it's ok if they aren't "perfect" right now. Your family continues to be a model of grace and love. That it's not "perfect" only makes you all that much more relatable. By the grace of God, we are all a work in progress. Praise Him for equipping us for what He calls us to!
ReplyDeleteWhat amazing girls you have. God is so good! Praying for your family always!
ReplyDeleteMichelle