Birth Children's Struggle in Adoption

You are about to read the heart of our birth children. It may offend some of you, but they are just expressing their feelings. They are not perfect and God is working in our girls more than ever. This adoption has transformed our lives even more than they can see at their young age. God is revealing things in their lives daily and my (all) children are seeing God work on a daily bases.  Please show grace as you read these, but also I hope these open your eyes to the struggling side of adoption. You may ask would we do it again after reading this. By the grace of our Heavenly Father...YES! In fact the girls are already asking when we will do it again.

From Hannah age 11…

When we got the kids they were trouble makers. Beth was sweet and loved me so much.  But when she moved in she ignored, copycatted, annoyed, and lied to me and more of that kid stuff. David was cute but now he is starting doing all what Beth does. Wesley he’s cute but he cries so much. All year it was wild but after Winter Jam I changed and I can see that I am nicer to the kids. If God was not in me I would be mean to them and I wouldn’t ask God to help me with any troubles with the kids. This year I’m very ahead in school even with the little kids around. I always wanted to be a big sister. Now I have loving siblings and my dream came true. 

Rachel (age 14)

A year ago, in a court room... three kids were being adopted…by my parents. Never once would my family go back down to five, a forever family. August of 2010 is when we had the three little ones placed in our homes. Before we had them in our home we knew the little girl and boy because we knew the little girl's foster parents from church.

In the spring of 2010 my parents had a family meeting with me and my two other sisters. They told us they were going to try to adopt the little girl. I and my sisters were so happy. Finally we would have another little sister! So first my parents had to take classes. Then we found out the little girl, 'Beth' had two brothers in another foster home, so now we would get them. Yip-pi we get brothers! Then we had to sell our cars and get bigger ones, buy clothes, and then the Lord provided us a fourth bedroom. We also had to sacrifice getting rid of some animals, stuff, space, quietness, and quality time with our parents, just for them. Before we had the kids placed in our homes, Beth was a sweet little girl. After they were placed her true inside showed, she would manipulate you, lie, and copy. Yes she hurt me and my sisters a lot but we got through it. Looking back I see that she has improved quite a lot. Another struggle was David, he would bite, scream, kick, and be rude. But still we showered him with love, and he has improved also. Another struggle is when we talk to people or visit or have friends over. They just seem to cuddle and give so much attention to the little kids and we are left in the corner. Only thing people really talked about with us older ones was all about the adoption and about how cute they were. I'm sick of talking about the adoption. 

   Good things have come to the adoption though, 1st is that these siblings have a family and home, 2nd my little siblings are great helpers, 3rd is bigger family means more love.        

Sarah (age 15)

Nobody can truly understand the concept of unconditional love. Yet it is confusing at times. My family has learned and grown more in this love. An adoption can bring hardship, joy, closeness, and unity. The one thing that it makes you struggle with is how to love someone, who is unsure to love you back. When my family adopted, I thought everything was going to be right and dandy. It wasn’t. Being a teenager and then suddenly you have to share love with five siblings is hard. I wanted alone time, because I didn’t want to mess up when I interacted with them. Through all of this I have learned that you need to search yourself to find any faults and fix them with God’s help. It makes getting along a lot easier. Then through God find your explanation of unconditional love and demonstrate it to the kids. I have been blessed by seeing the hand of God in my life and my parents’ life.

How am I going to RESPOND???

Life is a struggle. God is continually seeking me in areas that I sin and showing me His grace and mercy. Why do I allow these struggles to bring me down? Why do I allow my little world to push me into sin and abandon my Father? Why do I not run to Him in times of struggle, but run to anger, sadness, and/or down right just want to give up?

Can you tell I have been in a struggle lately? God wants me to rely upon Him, but my first reaction is one or the entire list above. God is gracious and keeps seeking me when I don’t seek Him. My struggles are just plain overwhelming at time…or should I say I allow them to overwhelm me.

Sarah is going to community college in the fall for her senior year of High School. Trying to get her done with this year of school is a….challenge. A lot is on her plate. Rachel loves many subjects, but Algebra is not one of them. I feel like a dictator trying to enforce math time. On top of teaching I have two very active boys that will not allow school/teaching to occur at times. I maybe get in one good day of school a week. Hannah is right on schedule with her subjects except for one and Beth is behind like her older sisters.

 I feel a little like drowning…I do not like the feeling. So what do I do? I get overwhelmed. I stand here and look around and don’t know where to even start…did I mention that my house is a mess and I have other pressing matters to attend to also? Then I read where my Father, Creator, King is seeking me even through all this. I have to stop and think “what is it I truly am wanting”…I want more of Him! People may judge me for a messy house or kids that don’t know Algebra, but dog gone it I WANT to know my Heavenly Father that I will spend eternity with! I long for His arms and to learn more of His greatness. I want my children to know and desire Him also. Where are my priorities here on earthly things or heavenly things? I don’t have all the answers to my schooling or children’s behavioral issues, but what I do know is this earth and the desires of this earth is fleeting and totally temporal. My struggles are temporal! I want to make the best of my time here on earth for His kingdom. I am a missionary to my kids, husband and the friends God places me with. How am I going to respond?