Trying to Understand my Beth...

The last few days I have been trying to understand Beth even more. Behaviors sometimes leave me scratching my head and at times crying.

Like why she blatantly disobeys. It is those little things that add up. For example I will say, “Eat your meat before you eat more potatoes please.” She makes sure I see her eat one bite. As soon as my head is turned she will eat the potatoes. Yes I know it is a little thing, but it happens over and over. Or those everyday things like not unbuckling until the car stops, not leaving the sink water running while you dry your hands, or jump on the couch. It always is when I go out the room or avert my attention somewhere else that disobedience happens. This is everyday over and over. Time after time the important thing called trust is lost.

Then we have the problem with her feeling like she must be in charge of everything and everyone. Every opportunity she can get she will answer a question that someone asked of me (or someone else), has to lead when walking, tells others what to do (like how to sit or hold a pencil), and just plain lie about something. Subtlety is this beautiful girl’s specialty. It is hard at times to realize that even a request for a hug is trying to control a person. Telling you to come here and look at her project is controlling you.

So why do I write all this? To help people who may be going through this with their child to know that they are not alone. It is an amazing feeling when you realize you are not alone! If you see one or two of these behaviors you would say this is just normal childhood issues. No, there are some underlining issues from her past that spearhead this. Yes sin is still at the center…her heart is not right before our righteous God. The awesome news is our God is merciful and so should we be! Healing in her heart and mind is still happening and mercy and grace must abound. This does not mean that discipline will not happen. My job is to understand her so I can guide her to the truth of her actions…I still need prayer on this!

I want to trust her so much. I want to trust her to play alone with her brother or even in her room. I want to trust her to take a shower alone. I want to trust her to obey when someone baby-sits her. I want to trust her to tell me the truth. Little by little she is starting to let go of the control and letting God rule. Some days I feel like it is slower than a snail. But I must remember that with God all this through Him are possible.

What I do know is that some day trust will come maybe tiny at times, but it will come. I know that I will not be able to trust her with things at a certain age like I trusted the older girls at that age. I know that God is faithful and will give me wisdom. Yes I get discouraged and feel so disappointed when disobedience happens and trust is lost again. What I know all too well is I also disappoint my Father and must trust Him in all things. So the main thing I am taking this week as I try to understand Beth more is that I must put my trust fully on God. I must live by example!